Before Rilla was born, I felt rather strongly that I wanted to wait at least two years before we had another child. I felt like it was going to be a hard road for me to discipline myself into being the kind of parent that I want to be, and I wanted some time to really get it down and feel like I knew what I was doing with the first child before adding another one to the mix.

After Rilla was born, and after several days of seriously questioning whether natural childbirth was worth it, I realized that this whole big mothering part of me had finally been given freedom to flourish. I have wanted to be a mom since I was really young, yet I have stifled that over the years. Part of it was that I got tired of being a third parent to my little brothers during my teenage years. Part of it was that I had spent so many years doing "the things I will be glad to have done" that I lost track of what I really wanted. (I'm still dealing with that second part a bit, because I feel like I have spent so many years seeking out new experiences, adventures, vocations, places, etc that it is hard to settle down into contentedness that doesn't involve a lot of outside-the-home adventures.)

But I think it was less than a week after Rilla was born before I realized my heart was already preparing to embrace another child. As the weeks wore on and as we prayed about it together, Keith and I knew that we were ready for another baby whenever the Lord was ready to give us one.

When Rilla was five or six weeks old, we were spending some time with family and I was holding Rilla as well as my then-20-months-old niece. Her mom looked at me and said something like, "Can you imagine having two so close together??" My heart's immediate response was a joyful "Bring it on!!" ...although I don't think I said that to Josie. Whether or not it would cause a lot more sleep deprivation, my heart was already welling up with love and welcome for another baby.

Now that I am actually pregnant (and 15 weeks pregnant, at that!), I find myself understandably a little nervous about how this is all going to play out. I remember my early years clearly, and there were no siblings in them! So I can't use that for a guide. How will I manage two babies at once? How do you raise one child, let alone two? Sixteen months apart really does seem quite close, now that I think about it! And yet I am so thrilled and (most of the time) completely certain that this is God's good timing for us. Rilla is already beginning to love babies, and I think she will adore having a little sibling to play with. It warms my heart to think of my children having each other to rely on as they grow into adulthood.

Possibly my favorite part of all this is seeing Keith growing more and more into his role as a father. I don't know what it is, but he attracts children like bees to honey. Our growth group has six young children in it with whom he has been interacting for a while, and every one of them ADORES him. I mean, telling their parents how much they are looking forward to seeing "Keithie," running up to him at church, hanging on him and starting new games with him every time they get near him, calling him "my Keithie," and so on. They love him! And I see the same adoration increasing in Rilla all the time. She loves her daddy so much! I truly think our children are going to be overwhelmingly blessed to have a father who will be such a thoroughly good daddy to them.

On my part, well, I am nervous about being the mom who is characterized by losing my patience or acting out of selfishness. Not just nervous, actually; I am terrified of being what I don't want to be. I know my flesh far too well and I know how very capable of that I am... or rather, how incapable I am of doing the good I want to do, at least in my own strength. But God is a very present help, and I am hopeful that He will enable me to walk in freedom, not fear, and to be a good mom, and to help raise our children in the ways that we want to. I have a long way to go, but at least I am confident of Keith's parenting abilities and God's ability to keep parenting me through all of this. I so much want to be a good mother to our children.

Rilla eats so much food now! It is a continual challenge for me to come up with large quantities of tasty, nutritious, age-appropriate foods for her. She is still breastfeeding, and getting lots of good stuff that way, but her appetite for real foods has exploded in the last month. Bulk-wise, she probably eats the equivalent of five bananas every day. (And probably would actually eat five bananas every day if I would let her!) I'm currently feeding her some egg yolk mixed with Udo's Oil and doused in butternut squash soup. Doesn't that sound disgusting? And yet she loves it. These are the main foods that we have been feeding her, although there are others which she's tasted.

foods Rilla would eat all day if I would let her
bananas
blueberries
butternut squash soup
curried red lentil soup

foods Rilla enjoys if none of the above are in sight
applesauce
avocados
chicken broth
cooked onions
cooked carrots
egg yolks
grapes
sweet potatoes
tomatoes

foods Rilla eats without knowing it because her mom disguises them
cod liver oil
pasture butter
Udo's Oil

If you're not on the edge of your seat with excitement when you read this post, sorry! The feeding of these foods comprises a few hours of every day for me, so I thought I might as well write a blog about them while I'm staring at some.

What do you think, does this sound like a balanced diet for a ten-month-old? Learning about what is good for babies to eat has been a whole new experience for me and I have been nervous at times about whether she is getting all the nutrients she needs. We have been holding off on most dairy and meat products until she reaches a year. I just can't believe that in two months she has gone from a bit of banana a few times a week to requiring three meals a day.